His testimony was horrifying. Mr. James Nichols: "It all happened in a flash. I was sitting in my room reading Satre, and the next thing I knew the earth began to shake. I saw a bright light through my window. The next thing I remember, I was laying on the floor and I felt like I was on fire.
Mr. Nichols added, "For a few years, I was a social outcast. My entire body had been damaged. But then I saw the posting on craigslist. It was a support group where no one felt pity. We all just meet and hang out, no pretense. And I knew it just felt right. Now I can sit around with my new buddies and discuss Chomksy, Agro-politics, and the Space Program.
It's nice to know that even if your body gets charred and destroyed from intense radiation, you can still find a support group to sit around and drink away the pain. I wonder if this is what Hiroshima or Nagasaki looked like at the end of the war...
I missed the last one around. Too bad I'm too metal to care.
Alas, you need not worry. I'm currently revising my stuff and doing last minute research for my next post. the subject is nothing else but the sweet sounds of Metal from Germany.
Stay tuned.
In the meantime, here's a personal favorite video of mine.
It's from Dokken, easily the best Hair Metal band from the 80s. Donny Dokken's voice works well, but it's really all about George Lynch on guitar. This isn't their best song ('Into the Fire', no brainer) but it IS their best video.
Best parts: -the second verse, starting at 1:13 -When they in fact break chains.
Since the last post, I've been able to secure a few awesome lectures for NOTHFEST.
Note the times, as these events will start AS SCHEDULED
8:30PM Topic: How to be Cool Speaker: Otto The Orange: Famous Mascot Otto the Orange shows us what's cool! ------------
9:oo PM Topic: How to Scare the SHIT out of 8 year olds Speaker: R.L. Stine ---------- 9;30 Topic: Michael Jackson is full of shit; or How being dead doesn't always mean more record sales and deification. Speaker: The Ghost of John Denver
10:00 PM The Jane Jones Honorary Round table: Discussion: A variety of topics will be addressed. We're letting the speakers decide this one, so it's sure to be a blast!
Featuring Panel:
Childhood Star Christopher Castile
Snake-Eater Jean!
Fans of the Hartford Whalers
-------------------------------- Refreshments and food to follow the event.
You can't fool me. You are sitting alone in your room, looking around for others. But no one is there but you.
Yes, I'm talking to you! Sitting at the computer in your underwear.
We know you love reading Noth, You?. Heck, who doesn't? (besides Amish, but that's cuz they shun anything practical). It gets you through the day. You read as much as you can, and check the site compuslively for updates. Well, loyal fans, have we got news for you.
In honor of the greatest blog known to man, Good, El Benda, and 6012 are having a fest. A Nothfest. THIS WEEKEND!
Yes, the three wise bloggers are having a meeting of the minds. This is an exclsusive event!
FROM THE PRESS GUIDE:
"NothFest 2010: The First Annual Weekend Celebration of the Greatest Blog Known to Man.
Come see Good, 6012, and El Benda in person. Marvel at their handsome looks and courteous ways. Allow them to sign your shirts and other overpriced merch. Let them hit on your sister while you go to pee."
In honor of the new year, we're having an executive event to discuss the finer points of living AND celebrate 6 months of still caring to blog. All stockholders in the company are invited, free of charge. For all others, pay a flat fee of $60.12 to our Swis Bank account.
Proud Sponsors of Nothfest; Jones Soda Shoney's 6012 Industries And SINGSTAR Entertainment
Event Highlights Include: -Keynote Speeches from El Benda, Good, and 6012 on a variety of modern topics that of the utmost importance - Blossum Marathon -The Jane Jones Honorary Roundtale Debate (TBD) -The Jim Iriquoi Midnight Jam-Fest for EARS -Fits of the Jones - Coffee Tasting - Grammar Slammer Session -Charity work -Yelling at Taxi-cabs.
PLUS - POTENTIAL CAMEO's from Master Jeri-jet, Professor T and A KAPUS! - AND MORE!
BUT WAIT! Want to come to this otherwise private event? We're giving away two free tickets to NothFest (you just pay for shipping and handling and fees). All you have to do is leave a haiku in the comment box discussing why YOU Want to come to Nothfest. Bonus points for complex rhyme schemes.
Here is a good taste of this band that both I and 6012 enjoy. These dudes are a fun show to check out. Additionally, tons of unintentional awesomeness ensues live, including
-keyboardist casually drinking beer while playing insane keyboard solo with one hand, all in a nonchalant manner -lead singer/lead guitarist jumping around and doing karate kicks -[best part] Lead singer using "motherfuck- [suffix]" in between every word said when talking to the audience.
EX "[Home city of El Benda] Motherfucking parties mfing harder mf than anyone. Im mfing drunk and mfing gonna shred guitar. BODOM HATE CREW! YELLLL!
There's more but you need to see them live for full effect.
Another winning track. They do covers too!
Band 2:
Skeletonwitch is easily one of my current favorite metal bands. I'm a huge fan of their first LP, "Beyond the Permafrost" and their new album, "Breathing the Fire" is equally awesome. I had a chance to see these dudes play at Scion Rock Fest last year in Atlanta, and they destroyed. Easily one of the best acts I saw that day (and I saw some pretty 'big' acts there too). These dudes flat out play, and they do a great job of playing for the crowd (i.e feeding off crowd's energy).
In particualr, the lead singer was awesome. Along with typical positioning (mock shooting a gun, swinging the mic, etc) , he would actively talk to the crowd and offer delightful insights. The highlight, however, was
"Smoke Weed! Ride Motorcycles! Eat Pussy! [raspy voice] LISTEN TO HEAVY METAL"
Young Tim Jones Lee suffered through a lot of embarrassment during a N.Y.E. party at his home in Kentucky, New Jersey.
"Daddy was pulling a juice out his front pocket and move his head back real fast. His face make red on it. He laugh all night when the cone got on my head!" Timmy recalled as he, literally, choked on his tears.
Neither parent would return the seven phone calls from 'Noth, you?' staff. Inside sources have reported that the above photograph is now Mrs. Lee's profile picture on facebook.
Every Monday, I will bring you all a heavy metal music video for you all to watch. Some rockin' tunes to help get you through your day. Many videos will be awesome. Some will be cheesy. All will rock.
First up, I'm going to go with ALESTORM, a Pirate-Metal group.
So another year has come and gone. La-di-freakin-da.
I spent my New Years Eve the same way I had spent the event the past ten years; huddled up in my makeshift underground fort, armed to the teeth with bullets, fearing the rise of Skynet. Sooner or later, the machines will rise and destroy us all. You best believe I'm waiting to go out, all guns blazing. But, after another NYE without incident, I can sleep well knowing that John Connors (and a Terminator?) have successfully thwarted another attempt.
The Machine that will KILL us when we least expect it.
Alas, since I'm still quite alive, I think an informative New Year's post is in order. There are a lot of questions I've had throughout my life when discussing NYE. I used to sit and ponder what
These questions haunted me for years. But after intense periods of academic study and formulating theories about the day, I've come to a very finite conclusion. Namely, that New Years is really just about three things.
First, NYE is shameless excuse to get drunk. On most other nights, one is not encouraged to drink more than you can handle. However, its not truly a NYE event unless you mess up the count-down because you're drunk and have no sense of time and space
Scenario: Drunk GOOD: ITS ALMOST TIME! Drunk El Benda: 10, 9 Drunk 6012: 7, 61, 32, 5, 2, 1002, Drunk Good: 3, 2, 67 Drunk Benda: Happy New year! Wait. Its only 9:15 PM. What just happened (pause) Drunk Good: Oh Jones! Drunk 6012: YOU DONT KNOW ME!!!!
Additionally, there is one more aspect to extreme inebriation of NYE, and that is to make out with a random girl you met that night at the same party. Once again, this aspect is also viewed with mixed opinions outside of the NYE bubble. While brothers in frats might disagree, the Men of Noth You are classy and won't just make out with any flooz or lush. However, at NYE parties, that's called "WHAT HAPPENS AT MIDNIGHT". And that is that. It IS important to note that Beer goggles are also an essential part of the equation, as it helps BOTH parties involved. Cos face it- we're both average looking people, and our drunken imaginations make the event run much smoother.
Secondly, NYE is important because it helps keep our economy afloat. Specifically, the novelty glasses division. There is a huge industry of novelty glasses makers. These honest, hardworking folk often go overlooked when talking about the recent recession. And while it seems like EVERYONE has received bail-out money (NOTH YOU used our TARP money for a pet iguana and one ton of rock candy), it seems our administration forgot about these lowly glass-makers. SHAME! (shown?) These are people who spend countless hours imagining how the next year can be aesthetically demonstrated on cheap plastic glasses. And we simply forget??
Good and 6012 model vintage NYE glasses. Good is wearing last year's model. 6012 is still sentimental for 1991, the year he passed the first grade ("Best Year of my Goddamn life." - 6012)
So, on NYE, its our duty to help prop up our economy by buying these novelty items. Without buying these, a significant portion of the workforce will be unemployed. Plus, honestly, how else can you feel good about standing for hours outside in uncomfortably large mobs in sub-Arctic temperatures than by wearing these sweet shades?
Third, and most importantly, NYE is most important because we set resolutions. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT, because NYE resolutions are the only time in the year where we get all sentimental about what we are going to do the next year. Who honestly thinks about losing weight or stopping cigarette smoking at other times? No one, because we're too pleasured by/hooked on our vices. Even though most of the time these resolutions fail, it is during this time of year that we think about ways that we COULD change ourselves, but most likely will turn back to our slovenly ways.
SO, on that note, what are our resolutions?
El Benda 1) Develop a drug habit. (I'm open to suggestions as to which drugs. Meth? Psychedelics? Pepto-Bismol?) 2) Hit on your cousin while at your birthday party (while you are in the bathroom) 3) Successfully start a family band with my two brothers and six cousins. We'd be a Klezmer band (since you probably don't know what genre that is; http://tinyurl.com/36uplf ) We would also wear the same outfits (overalls over bare chests, berets, thick beards).
Good 1) Create All-Beef Chicken, sell it to the Green Giant 2) Wear a suit to the voting booth, fart at the exact moment when he places a vote for congressman 3) Kill.
6012 1) Make strides towards actually becoming a Mega Man 2) Start a movement for the 'L" in BLT to change from 'lettuce' to 'lasanga' in hopes that his favorite afternoon snack will become a global trend 3) Finally complete mime school and earn his Mime Baccalareate Accrediation
Combined Resolutions of NOTH YOU? 1) Learn how to play the Kiss Disco Hit "I was made for loving you" in our garage band, where Good plays triangle, El Benda plays a washboard, and 6012 plays kazoo. El Benda and Good will alternate singing lead.
2) Blog more in 2010.
3) THROW A KICK-ASS FESTIVAL. A NOTH FEST, if you will
