The Problem With Sparknotes

Yo yo. I used to hit up sparknotes when I didn't have time to read an assigned book. Who am I kidding? I always had time, but I ain't doing that reading stuff.

I'd usually walk into class and be like, "Yo, 6012, did you 'spark it up' last night?"

She would always respond, "Yes."

In case you are wondering, 'sparking it up' = reading sparknotes.

O7


Let's get to the point now: students visit sparknotes to avoid reading, but many of these 'notes' are a lot of reading as well.

The solution?


GoodNotes!!
**Spoiler Alert**
It's easy, GoodNotes gives you the gist so you can nod your head along with just enough confidence to not seem like a complete retard dumb dick.





Crime and Punishment - Man asks self, "Can I kill?"

Heart of Darkness - European man decides that Africa sucks and that he hates it.

The Catcher in the Rye - Kid thinks about the past then goes to the nut house.

The Giver - Kid hangs out with old man then runs away from home.

The Pearl - Don't be greedy because you'll end up shooting your baby.

The Odyssey - Man goes away for a long time and experiences a lot of things. Then he comes back and his dog knows it's him.

Night - The holocaust fucking sucked!


Great Expectations - Young orphan grows up and becomes a gentleman.


The Scarlet Letter - She cheated, and boy, did she pay!


The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn - Crazy kid does crazy shit, all of the time.

Oedipus Rex - Main character is informed about what will happen, and then it happens.

The Great Gatsby - Rich man throws huge benders, then gets shot.








Possibly more to come.

Coned At A Young Age

Young Tim Jones Lee suffered through a lot of embarrassment during a N.Y.E. party at his home in Kentucky, New Jersey.

"Daddy was pulling a juice out his front pocket and move his head back real fast. His face make red on it. He laugh all night when the cone got on my head!" Timmy recalled as he, literally, choked on his tears.

Neither parent would return the seven phone calls from 'Noth, you?' staff. Inside sources have reported that the above photograph is now Mrs. Lee's profile picture on facebook.

Good Profiles: Killers, The

The Killers became a band in 1990 when the band members were students in the public schools of Seattle, WA. They used to talk to Nirvana on the phone, but that privilege was taken away when Kurt Cobain was called too late on a school night. Cobain's mother was upset by this and, to this day, hates The Killers. The Killers became famous when they played music at a bar one night and everybody liked it. They've made ten albums: The Killers' First Album, The Killers' Second Album, We Will Kill, We Killed, When Should We Kill, Now?, We Are The Killers, Band Name ---> Social Behavior?, The Killers Celebrate Chinese New Year, The Killers Greatest Hit(s), and The Killers Are Back.

Above is a picture of The Killers. From left to right:

Mutey: He has never said a word ever. He stands next to Drewski and pretends to play bass.

Drewski: Retired fashion diva, he sings. He is the self-described leader and founder of the band. He gathered the crew together in order to form a short-lived pop boy band to impress his math teacher, but the immediate success forced the band to play forever...for...everrrrr.

Weird Face: Weird Face got his name because his parents needed to change his name so he wouldn't always think he was being made fun of. His original name was Weird Hair. Weird Face plays drums and always looks like he's hiding a secret joke from someone. Weird Face pushed for the name, "The Killers" because he wanted to seem tough.

Jim Morrison's brother: He isn't really Jim Morrison's brother, but The Killers used this to get fans. Also, when he makes that face, he looks like that famous picture of J.M. (you know, the one every tool-douche has a poster of?). Jim Morrison's brother plays the hair-guitar machine. You'll have to look it up on Wikipedia because I am not an expert, and everyone hates someone who explains something they know absolutely nothing about. People magazine reported last week that they want to kick Jim Morrison's brother out of the band because his eyes are too close together, and he is usually sad. Also, Mutey is mad at him for something that neither of them will talk about.

Killers, The?

Good: An Alibi

I know. It has been a while.

Shut your mouth. Where's your blog? Where are your funny jokes and two friends? Good. That's what I thought. That is me.

If you haven't found out already, there was a fire upstairs in my house. The fire ruined everything. It ruined my laptop, my television, my SNES, and my face. The one part of my life that wasn't ruined by the fire is my blog. That's probably because this blog is on the internet, and the internet can't be set on fire. Probably because of all of the firewalls.

So why couldn't I blog? Because I was on trial. For burning down the house.

Here's the story:

In my house, the smoke detectors are very sensitive. Very often, the vapors from a hot shower will set these babies off. Since this happens so often, the residents of the house and I usually just dismiss the noise as a harmless pain in the ass.

One afternoon I came home torn by a tough decision: Should I go into my room and dance/eat pizza naked for a little while or should I get rid of some number two in the bathroom? Any stupid-head will know that taking a crap is the better choice. You don't want to have an accident during dance time!

There I am. Pooping. I hear that sexy smoke detector and think to myself, "Man, it feels good to be taking a crap right now." Suddenly I hear, "Is anyone in here? YOU NEED TO GET OUT! THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!" Before I can react: SLAM!! A firefighter barges in to catch me sitting about six inches above my floating turds. We make direct eye contact for a moment. I'm pretty sure both of us thought this was funny, but this was no time to laugh. He then asked me if I knew where anyone else could be. As I ran out of the house I could see him looking into my bedroom. I thought for a moment about whether I'd rather have this firefighter catch me doing choice A or choice B. I choose B.

A lot of other stuff happened after that. The court heard the firefighter's testimony and came to the following conclusion: Good didn't start the fire. He was pooping.

Today, Good is a free man who lives with a dickhead cat and blogs.

(This is a true story)

A Tip For The Guys

Hey,

Urinating in the middle of the night can cause a lot of psychological distress in a small house. I'm usually worried that the sound of the flushing toilet will wake everyone up. I would just leave it, but I don't want anyone to label me as a "non-flusher".

Here's the solution: urinate, then drop a square of toilet paper into the bowl. When the homeowner discovers your mess, he won't say, "Damnit, El Benda doesn't flush," he will say, "Damnit, La Benda doesn't flush."

El Benda is off the hook!

Some might ask, "What about poopies?"

Well, if you're pooping in the middle of the night, your eating habits might be unhealthy. . .that's your problem to fix. If you must, flush the toilet, then yell "I pooped!" in a girl voice when you walk out of the bathroom.

BLAME!

Killers Sit In Jail While You Read This

Some might even be laughing at a joke.

Oprah Stinks!

Oprah interviewed a young girl with schizophrenia and she asked, "Do you ever think sometimes that you're different?"

Seriously, Oprah, you're an asshole.

I know this blog is intended for jokes, but sometime even the jokers must rave.

Oprah the ignoramus.

If You Turn Into Teen Wolf, You Might Get Better At Basketball

If there is one weakness of mine that everyone in my life is aware of; it's my ability to be really bad at playing basketball. Over the years, I've learned that this ability can be attributed to the fact that I am short, I don't practice, and I'm usually under slept or stoned.

I remember watching a movie about a young man who overcame his lack of "game" by turning into a werewolf.



The transition seems very painful and traumatic. It has been observed to come on very suddenly and abruptly, which could cause much discomfort.



After the tough part is over, you look like the picture above. Facial expression varies with personality. This model's expression: "I'm confused and scared while I look at myself in the mirror."

If it were me, I'd just be excited that in a few minutes I will be schooling all of my stupid classmates.



I never knew about the maximum jumping height of a werewolf, but the evidence suggests that it's enormous! This model is only 5'7", and he's going to dunk! SICK!!!
I'm 5'8", so I might even be able to add in a 360 degree spin before I jam that ball in.



When you're done beating your friends in basketball, document the experience. Take a shower, find some dungarees, get that ball, and smile for Mommy!

WOLF!

El Benda Shunned By Family

Award-winning blogger upsets family by showing up with a mullet to the annual family photograph.

Local: Community Concerned About Bathroom Shortage

News: Inner City Children Visit Earth During Tuesday's Field Trip

**New!!! Noth, you? Character Study **New!!!

The Noth, you? team has initiated phase one of what we'd like to call: "Character Study".

It has come to our attention that many people can be categorized into basic archetypes. You may meet a jackass in Massachusetts, then drive to Montana to find a very similar jackass.

Today's Character Study: The 'say the same thing to you every time I see you guy'.

This guy could be one or all of three things: forgetful, one who thinks all are forgetful, or just that unoriginal.

The simplest example of this type of jackass is a guy/girl who will tell you the same story, or same set of instructions, more than twice.

This next example will overlap with another type of character, which will be mentioned in the next post. This example includes Comment Guy. This guy just has to say something to you no matter what. Comment guy becomes "say the same thing every time I see you guy" when he runs out of annoying comments to make.
Now the example: I arrive to work. Larry sarcastically asks, "you still work here?" Needless to say, he will say this again next time. Then he will say it again. And again.

If you, or someone you know, is a "comment guy" or a "say the same thing every time I see you guy", please try to remember that you being stupid does not mean that everyone else is stupid. Trust the brains of the others around you. They'll remember what you said. Especially if you say it every day.

6012 Scores In Hollywood

click image to see GOOD

More Shoney's

Two of our loyal readers recently visited a Shoney's location.




Dear Noth,you?,

Thanks, guys!!! You never fail to totally amaze us. We're so tired of the same ol' same ol', and Shoney's has SHOWN us that we can get a new taste of the same ol' same ol' bring it on back James Brown!

Your only readers,
Bill and Ted

Jonesbook Announces Successful Debut

"Our most recent update lists 1,567,999.3 subscribers. Jonesbook makes social networking easy and fun."

-Mark Jonserberg

News: Professor Dodges Laser Attack

Tattooed student not as fortunate.

Tay-alk!

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Learn to say #4

Learn to say nonsense words to decrease awkwardness in tedious conversations.

I believe there should be a new part of speech added to our language. Among the nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc., there should be fillers.

Fillers are words that sound great, but don't mean anything. Their purpose is to help us acknowledge that someone is speaking when it is hard to do so otherwise.

Example:

Mr. Bad Conversationalist: My friends and I went to the mall, and we had to stop by the Apple Store because my friend needed a new charger for his iStone.

(Note: Most people would just use silence to dismiss what was said, or direct the conversation to a different topic. Rather than humiliate Mr. Bad Conversationalist, a FILLER could be used to acknowledge the information he shared so that we all can comfortably move on with life.)


Good: (Using filler) Cone. Jones.


Don't be a jerk by ignoring some dumb talker. Also, don't be a phony and say something even stupider, such as asking a lame question to keep the bad conversationalist engaged, but also continuing the bad conversation.

FILLERS!!

Here's a list of suggested fillers: jones, shown, cone, jayowns, flayowns, boolay, bools, phone, tone, blayowns, O7, Kapus, O-C Kapus Cone, Shay-o-nase, flonase...see if you can think of your own!

I love you!

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Jones!

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