Good: An Alibi

I know. It has been a while.

Shut your mouth. Where's your blog? Where are your funny jokes and two friends? Good. That's what I thought. That is me.

If you haven't found out already, there was a fire upstairs in my house. The fire ruined everything. It ruined my laptop, my television, my SNES, and my face. The one part of my life that wasn't ruined by the fire is my blog. That's probably because this blog is on the internet, and the internet can't be set on fire. Probably because of all of the firewalls.

So why couldn't I blog? Because I was on trial. For burning down the house.

Here's the story:

In my house, the smoke detectors are very sensitive. Very often, the vapors from a hot shower will set these babies off. Since this happens so often, the residents of the house and I usually just dismiss the noise as a harmless pain in the ass.

One afternoon I came home torn by a tough decision: Should I go into my room and dance/eat pizza naked for a little while or should I get rid of some number two in the bathroom? Any stupid-head will know that taking a crap is the better choice. You don't want to have an accident during dance time!

There I am. Pooping. I hear that sexy smoke detector and think to myself, "Man, it feels good to be taking a crap right now." Suddenly I hear, "Is anyone in here? YOU NEED TO GET OUT! THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!" Before I can react: SLAM!! A firefighter barges in to catch me sitting about six inches above my floating turds. We make direct eye contact for a moment. I'm pretty sure both of us thought this was funny, but this was no time to laugh. He then asked me if I knew where anyone else could be. As I ran out of the house I could see him looking into my bedroom. I thought for a moment about whether I'd rather have this firefighter catch me doing choice A or choice B. I choose B.

A lot of other stuff happened after that. The court heard the firefighter's testimony and came to the following conclusion: Good didn't start the fire. He was pooping.

Today, Good is a free man who lives with a dickhead cat and blogs.

(This is a true story)