How will they make New year's glasses this year?

From the bottom of our spleens, happy new year from Noth You. Here's to more crap posts aimed specifically for your procrastination.

Big things are afoot here. In a matter of days, we're going to announce the biggest event EVER. Keep it posted.

-el benda

Meet My Granny

I need you to meet someone who is near and dear to me. My dear old Granny.

Her name is Joan Jones. She makes the best Cabbage Soup and Peach Cobbler this side of Columbus, GA. She's got more stories about the Great War effort than your grandpappy. She winks at you when you take her (sugarfree) hard candy. She still has a crush on the Smothers Brothers. She might have been against the civil rights movement, but never will admit to it. She's had two short stories accepted to Ladies Old Journal in the 1940s. She plays a mean slide guitar.

All in all, one hell of a granny!

One more time... Mrs. Joan Jones!

More Facts!
-Mother of 12 (her vagina was quite a factory!)
-Had a dog named Biscuits throughout the entire Eisenhower Administration.
-Smells like old lady farts.

Good Profiles: Killers, The

The Killers became a band in 1990 when the band members were students in the public schools of Seattle, WA. They used to talk to Nirvana on the phone, but that privilege was taken away when Kurt Cobain was called too late on a school night. Cobain's mother was upset by this and, to this day, hates The Killers. The Killers became famous when they played music at a bar one night and everybody liked it. They've made ten albums: The Killers' First Album, The Killers' Second Album, We Will Kill, We Killed, When Should We Kill, Now?, We Are The Killers, Band Name ---> Social Behavior?, The Killers Celebrate Chinese New Year, The Killers Greatest Hit(s), and The Killers Are Back.

Above is a picture of The Killers. From left to right:

Mutey: He has never said a word ever. He stands next to Drewski and pretends to play bass.

Drewski: Retired fashion diva, he sings. He is the self-described leader and founder of the band. He gathered the crew together in order to form a short-lived pop boy band to impress his math teacher, but the immediate success forced the band to play forever...for...everrrrr.

Weird Face: Weird Face got his name because his parents needed to change his name so he wouldn't always think he was being made fun of. His original name was Weird Hair. Weird Face plays drums and always looks like he's hiding a secret joke from someone. Weird Face pushed for the name, "The Killers" because he wanted to seem tough.

Jim Morrison's brother: He isn't really Jim Morrison's brother, but The Killers used this to get fans. Also, when he makes that face, he looks like that famous picture of J.M. (you know, the one every tool-douche has a poster of?). Jim Morrison's brother plays the hair-guitar machine. You'll have to look it up on Wikipedia because I am not an expert, and everyone hates someone who explains something they know absolutely nothing about. People magazine reported last week that they want to kick Jim Morrison's brother out of the band because his eyes are too close together, and he is usually sad. Also, Mutey is mad at him for something that neither of them will talk about.

Killers, The?

GET IT!??!?!

Here at Noth you, we consider ourselves purveyors of sweet phrases. We've introduced and educated you on proper phrases like "Jones" and 07. Well, now is time for a new phrase:


"GET IT?!??!?! GET IT??!?!?

And its SO EASY To use!

Steps for proper usage:

1) Tell obnoxiously obvious pun in remarks to someone's comment
2) Let the person roll their eyes.
3) Look at the person.
4) Yell out, "GET IT?!??!"
5) Proceed to explain obvious pun.
6) Repeat "Get IT??" as many time as needed. Extra times for emphasis can be effective, but a simple yelling once also has a strong effect. You can also add in assorted gestures and winks as needed.


Examples:
A)
(Good and 6012 are at a centrally located park, watching ducks in a pond)
6012: Those are some big ducks. I bet the tourists feed them a lot.
Good: I think they're hungry now. Lets feed them some QUACKERS
6012: (sighs, rolls eyes)
Good: GET IT?!?!
(pause)
Good:They're ducks. They quack! Quack sounds like the first part of crackers, a food you would eat. They're ducks. if they are hungry, they eat QUACKERS
6012: (sighs)
Good: GET IT!?!?!? GET IT??!!

B)
El Benda: What's your favorite video game?
6012: Mega Man
El Benda: You would say you are a huge fan of it?
6012: (sigh) El B, pleas-
El Benda: You're a MEGA FAN??? GET IT?!?!
6012: Shut -
El Benda: Becuase its your favorite game, you are clearly a fan! Fan rhymes with MAN. GET IT? GET IT? GET IT??

The great thing about this phrase is that you can use it whenever. All you need is a touch of terrible wit, and you are good to go. You can use it anywhere, too!
-Spice up your boring business meeting!
-Yell it to your religious leader!
-Yell it out in the theater! Make a pun about the actors hairlines. Bonus points if it is while seeing "Ole Yeller"

GET IT??!? GET IT?!!? BECAUSE YOU'RE YELLING OUT AT A FILM THAT SHARES A SIMILAR TITLE! GET IT!?!??! GET IT??!

EL BENDA: DEFINITELY GETS IT
6012: GETS IT SOMETIMES
GOOD: ON ODD-NUMBERED DAYS IN MONTHS WITH 31 DAYS

A Simple Reminder

JONES!

Good: An Alibi

I know. It has been a while.

Shut your mouth. Where's your blog? Where are your funny jokes and two friends? Good. That's what I thought. That is me.

If you haven't found out already, there was a fire upstairs in my house. The fire ruined everything. It ruined my laptop, my television, my SNES, and my face. The one part of my life that wasn't ruined by the fire is my blog. That's probably because this blog is on the internet, and the internet can't be set on fire. Probably because of all of the firewalls.

So why couldn't I blog? Because I was on trial. For burning down the house.

Here's the story:

In my house, the smoke detectors are very sensitive. Very often, the vapors from a hot shower will set these babies off. Since this happens so often, the residents of the house and I usually just dismiss the noise as a harmless pain in the ass.

One afternoon I came home torn by a tough decision: Should I go into my room and dance/eat pizza naked for a little while or should I get rid of some number two in the bathroom? Any stupid-head will know that taking a crap is the better choice. You don't want to have an accident during dance time!

There I am. Pooping. I hear that sexy smoke detector and think to myself, "Man, it feels good to be taking a crap right now." Suddenly I hear, "Is anyone in here? YOU NEED TO GET OUT! THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!" Before I can react: SLAM!! A firefighter barges in to catch me sitting about six inches above my floating turds. We make direct eye contact for a moment. I'm pretty sure both of us thought this was funny, but this was no time to laugh. He then asked me if I knew where anyone else could be. As I ran out of the house I could see him looking into my bedroom. I thought for a moment about whether I'd rather have this firefighter catch me doing choice A or choice B. I choose B.

A lot of other stuff happened after that. The court heard the firefighter's testimony and came to the following conclusion: Good didn't start the fire. He was pooping.

Today, Good is a free man who lives with a dickhead cat and blogs.

(This is a true story)

Car-toonz

I was reading through an art book the other day (Yes, I actually have some culture and class) and I came across a painting I liked. Specifically, it made me nostalgic to the masochism of one particular project I completed in 2007.

Many years ago, when I was pursuing higher education [completed too, YEAH SUCKERZZ], I had a final project where the only task was 'make an animation." A lot of kids did brief, two second animations for their 'production company', which clearly was fitting. Make a logo for a company that you will never run or have.

I took a different route. I drew inspiration from my ADD'ed out brain and an affinity of art. So this is what the final product looked like:



Why is this important?

1) It's funny. Really funny.
2) Now with inspirado, I am going to start making some more. And guess where I'll be posting them?

Youtube.

Oh, and this blog too.

Happy friday (well, technically its my 'wednesday')
-el benda

The Biggest Debate Now..

..isn't healthcare. Or what to do in Afghanistan. Or Abortion. Or Stem Cells.

It's this:



There are no Red States. There are no blue states. You've just got to decide what matters.

Who you siding with?

6012: Tumblers
El Benda: Pumpers
Good: Pumpers