Thoughts from the Double Dees

FULL DISCLOSURE: I write this I'm at a local donut-slinging establishment, as I drink coffee to fervently fight off my sleep deprivation.

You might know where I am.

If you don't, I'll be a nice person and tell you. The name of the place is Dunkin' Donuts, which, thanks to the interweb, I've learned is named after wealthy Pastry Inventor and birdwatching enthusiast Duncan Bertrand Doeghnut IV. Yes, this is a man who made his billions creating these things we today call 'Donuts'.

D.B Doeghnuts IV, or D'Nuttz as he was called by his homeboyz, built this massive pastry empire during the Great Depression. In a classic case of taking a simple concept and making it better, Doeghnuts took the traditional southern sweet cake pastry and put a hole in the middle.

This was effective for two reasons.
1) It was the depression, so hole in the middle was a great way to save money and not make a whole cake.
2) People love stuff with holes in it. Donuts, Swiss Cheese, 50 Cent, Ears, Women (if your a dude), Grey's Anatomy (so many of the plot variety), Black Holes. Whole Milk. Saying 'Holy Moly!' All loved by everyone. Win-Win.

So from there,
Pros of Donuts: Taste good, inexpensive, give you a nice sugar rush, circular in shape, have holes (see above),

Cons: Eat too many and you get a medical condition. Doctors call it Buttfaticus, or "Fat-ass." You also might lose self-esteem, but that's only because you're a worthless fatty and you finally realize it.

ANYWAY,
Here's the problem (and the point of this rant). I swear to god there is an item on this menu called a 'Chicken Parmesan flatbread. I'm pretty sure you can also get it in some other incantation (on a bagel, croissant, muffin.) Think about that for a second. Other than promoting obesity, WHY THE POOPCRAP IS A DUNKIN DONUTS SELLING ANYTHING WITH THE WORDS CHICKEN and PARMESAN' Together.

You dont see Old Navy selling 8 piece suits. This is probably because they don't exist, but if they did, Old Navy wouldn't sell them. They would sell the same sweat-shop made performance fleece and jeans Americans have come to love and wear. Moreover, they abbreviate it to where it reads, "Chicken Parm". THIS IS A PLACE THAT SELLS DONUTS AND COFFEE AND BREAKFAST FOOD. Last I checked, even the most hardcore Italian folks don't eat Chicken Parmigiana for breakfast.

When I first read it on the menu, I thought it was just a side affect of me not sleeping. But i was proven wrong when the dude right after me ordered a Chicken Parmesan Flatbread and a coffee. At 9am. in the morning There should be rules against this kind of behavior, both for the vendor and for the idiots who actually order chicken parm flatbreads at dunkin donuts. For the sake of all that is holy (HAH) and good in society, this needs to end. I know that many argue that free-markets are good, but this is an example of when periodic involvement from a higher power needs to be done!

More Stray Observations
- A wee lad (i bet he was maybe three) just asked repeatedly asked me what my name was. Of course I responded, "El Benda". But alas readers, you better believe I entertained the idea of saying JONES! I almost did too. But then I saw the innocence in his eyes and came to the conclusion that exposing a three year old to such a powerful word might retard him for life. I think I did the right thing.

- I saw a dude wearing man capri pants. Unless he's going fishing in low tides today, he should be sought for criminal punishment. THE FASHION POLICE

Hah!...

Ha..

anybody?
(okay, that joke was there to help broaden our audience. O7?)

--I just realized I'm that douchebag who brings their laptop to the dunkin donuts. Curse my psudo-pretentious ways! Acting like I'm writing something important, like a book about dragons, when in reality all that I'm writing is just a series of drawn out musings with about as much depth as farts.

On that note, I'm getting out of this (donut) hole.

-el benda